nights make the day dull

societal expectations are out of control. it's almost illegal to say you don't care about a sucessful career in the corporate world. because what other type of occupation is acceptable? perhaps it's the WASP family background I come from; example:
why in the hell would you get an MA if you could get an MBA?
because i have no desire to be a CEO or the like.
why the hell not?

seriously, these two perspectives don't really conicide. and any disscussion around them leads to a roadblock.

i like the idea that societal ideal needs to change to become a place where people feel comfortable and supported succeeding in whatever they're most passionate about and talented in. weather that's being the best stripper you can be, the best politician you can be (lots of comparisons between those two occupations, but that's for another post), the best teacher you can be, the best artist you can be, or whatever.

what's the point if you do well at it and you don't give two shits? you're living in a shell where you function in the expected way, but you're removed from yourself. When talent and ambition coincide you find a place where you not only do well, but you want to do well and it makes you happy. I don't know if that place exists for everyone in our current society. I think many people like to beleive it does, and believe that they're in that place. But I think it's probably a fantasy. Because dreams live at night and vanish during the day. Stifled by our product driven, time crunched society, dreams have no place to flourish during the day.

save your shoes! use a condom!

Watching octomom on Entertainment Tonight last night (I know, I know, not exactly the most intellectual endeavor). But, driving to work this morning, and noticing how my fifties-esque dress made me look---shall we say, slightly pregnant--- I had a horrifying thought. What if I did accidentally have some type of extreme lapse of judgement and let some guy's spermazoid attach to one of my eggs? With my budget, paying for diapers, cribs, daycare, etc... would mean I would have to stop buying shoes. Sacré bleu! Thank the lord for modern contraception. Let's see what the catholic church has to say about using visualization as birth control. I bet they'd like it.

Just think, you're in the heat of the moment, and nobody has a condom. Then you think "Do I risk it? Do I risk losing it all? Those snakeskin booties, hot pink heels, thigh high patent boots, pewter croc platforms?" I think not. Is it worth the time he takes to get off (most guys average 3 minutes max), for a lifetime of fabulous shoes? Hells no. I'll take shoes over diapers any day.

a world of memories

I live in the world that I create. Does reality touch this world? It depends how you see it. What is reality? If the world I live in is real to me, real in that, the way I see it, it becomes my reality. So the old cliche "things are what you make of them" would be true. I can't control what people do to me, but I can control my reaction, my personal response to these things. More and more, I just let things go. I forgo lucid, vivid living for a dreamlike existence that sets me apart. Unengaged, aloof, I appear bored. Because, the day to day---that bores me. Worrying about the cost of gas. Who's writing the report, etc.. I don't really care. Worrying less amplifies the world I want to live in. The world I choose to live in. I know it's not real though. Things happen to me, but not really to me. My blank eyes take it in, and it's like a memory already. I live in memories, when more I want to live in the present. But when you live in your own reality, the present is what you want to see, and for me they are instant memories. Like dreams. It happens so fast, I don't know if it really did happen, and it's an instant memory. The way my mind has shaped reality, becomes what the present was. And the memory is something i can mould. I can choose when to remember, choose if it's important to me, choose to hold on or lose it.