Got a 2 a.m. text from the ex asking if he could come over. Sure, we’d been texting earlier in the night. But I hadn’t heard from him in days before that. Nothing. And that was after we had had a pretty mind blowing hookup. I was mad. Mad at myself for letting him make me feel that way again. I wrote a million notes in my head to him, telling him, your double standard isn’t fair (as in, when you want it, it’s okay, but when I do, he’s never available/says no), you don’t treat me the way you should. I never thought I’d hear from him again. But I did. I keep my tone neutral, didn’t commit to anything. Then he bragged about being out and I didn’t respond. Then the 2 a.m text.
This morning, I thought I could maybe just leave it and he’d feel bad. But, I also don’t think he’s emotionally evolved enough to make his own realization to that conclusion. So, I wrote him the following:
Hey- I did get your text last night – and I’m sure you didn’t intend this, but it made me feel like an afterthought. Don’t get me wrong, I really like hanging out with you- but when you want a late night after I haven’t heard from you for a couple of days…..it just doesn’t feel nice.
He apologized, said it wasn’t very respectful of him.
And that’s earning respect; communicating how their actions made you feel and that you’re not tolerating it. A response that isn’t catty or presumptive, just clear and straightforward, with a bit of padding for (his) pride’s sake.
I’m proud of myself for doing this. That’s for sure.
