Friday, December 19, 2008

subdued morning

excitement can only last so long. Although I'm still really exicted for our trip, this morning has produced some waning to the feeling and I'm feeling more subdued. I'm sure once we get in the car and start driving out to Banff, it will resurface.

Last night, I had two dinner parties to go to and was feeling quite scattered. Usually I'm loud and animated, but I seemed to have less to contribute to conversation than usual.

Observing others yesterday, I wondered what people who were not intellectually stimulated during their days, thought. My answer came later that night, as lately I have not been intellectually stimulated. NOTHING. Really sad, it's like your brain in on pause, and you're living in a fog of static. Perhaps thats the reason I had less to contribute. Actually, it definitley is. So what's it like feeling like that all of the time. Maybe you would get used to it? Than just collapse into the comforting apathy that comes with it, and float through your days wondering when the next tea break is? I'm determined not to pursue this path, which is why, since September, I've been saving to go back to school. I want to be challlenged, and if that means blowing 50 grand on a degree that will not move me forward in life, I will.

In prevention of falling in to a most pessimistic post. I'm going to list the three things I was grateful for yesterday:
1. Seeing my sister. Even though she was drunk and jet lagged, the hug was worth it.
2. My boss dealing with an issue that has been nagging me for the past 9 months and giving me angry rashes and an ulser. And doing it cheerfully and extremely effectively.
3. Seeing old friends and colleagues at the dinner party last night. This time of year is so great because it gives everyone the excuse to have get-togethers like these.

So, off to Banff we go. Let's hope for no arrests or girl fights.

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