honeymoon's over?

I think we’re past the honeymoon stage. If I measure our time together using what we deemed to be our ‘anniversary’- the day we first met- May 31 would have been our 7 month ‘anniversary’. Of course I don’t believe in this stuff, but his words are coming back to haunt me.

“Are we at six months already? I start to act like an asshole after that,” he said jokingly.

I laughed then, thinking the blissful dome of happy we had created couldn’t be penetrated by timelines. It comes a month late, so maybe they don’t, but maybe we’re past what they call – ‘the honeymoon phase’. I imagine this as having a soundtrack of chirping birds and tasting so sweet making everything look rosy and new. And at the time, I didn’t realize it. But now we’ve hit a bump and at the bottom of it, I can still see and hear and smell that phase, but I can’t reach it.

I know it’s only a bump, but it feels a little like a precarious balancing act. Things could go so wrong. It’s kind of scary and reminds me of why I never really committed before this. I constantly have a knot in my stomach. But this time, I’m standing up for myself and not backing down—and if it means he wants to leave me; he doesn’t really love me as much as he says, ‘cause he would stay. I don’t want him to prostrate with his apologies, but I like when he at least acknowledges the fault or the bad. This time our fight was a little different- him more defensive, me more frustrated.

And I don’t feel it was resolved – but it’s only been one day. Obviously I’m a newbie at couples fighting.

So here’s hoping we just tripped and fell and need some time to brush ourselves off and walk off into the sunset with the chirping birds and rosy view and sweet taste in our mouths.