peaceful

It took me a while to get used to. Not having a nagging anxiety about ‘what was going on’ all the time. Because when you’re in a good relationship – which I’ve recently realized, I’ve NEVER been in – you don’t worry all the time. It’s so, peaceful, so calm. It takes a while to enjoy that feeling, because you wonder, at first, what you’re missing. You wonder if it’s a certain, spark or chemistry that might be missing that spurred all the rollercoaster emotions you used to associate with a relationship, with love even. It turns out, the ‘calm steady’ is even better than the sense of ‘passion and crazy emotion’, because, instead of being a crazy neurotic anxious person, you can just be yourself. You have more time for things you want to do and enjoy those things much more. You can be more in the moment, enjoying time with friends, because you’re not spending the whole time over-analyzing the last thing he said to extract the exact essence of what exact he MEANT. You free up so much mind space to take on more positive emotions and cultivate doing the things you love and the other relationships you need in your life. Instead of being all-consuming, relationships can be complimentary and enriching to your life. Who knew? I’m a thankful, lucky girl lately.

this one's for the girls

They’re the ones who know what you mean when you say something else. They can tell when you’re silently screaming, and bring over a bottle of wine or a hug, chocolate, eye candy, a joke when you most need it.  They listen to you bitch about that no-good bastard you keep taking back countless times, mostly without complaint, and solidarity in your misery. They’re your go-to when you need a date to that thing where you’re not sure if you can take your sort of boyfriend or can’t count that no-good bastard you keep taking back. They’re the ones who tell you you’re way out of line and irrational, even when you don’t want to hear it and handle your silent treatment until you realize what an idiot you were. They’re the ones who look on when you’re on the dancefloor in some sleeze joint making out with a guy who looks like a Jonas brother, but all you really want to do is make out, so they let it slide (and OF COURSE, tease you about it the next day). They’re the ones who don’t pretend they’re not with you even when you’re clumsily imitating your take on stripper moves on a table at the bar, at 9 p.m. They’re the ones who encourage you to go for what you want, even when getting there hurts. They’re the ones who you can cry to without feeling weak or pathetic. They’re the ones you count on, and when that job or that guy falls through, they’ll be there and they’ll help you pick up the pieces. They're the ones you count on more than you know.