i'm not always the person I think I am

When you said I wasn't a high achiever, or didn't have those characteristics. It hurt. But with all your rational logic, there had to be a reason why. Maybe, I'm not the high achiever I perceived myself to be and maybe, I would perceive myself to be or feel the need to be that way and be completely insulted by that comment. I had to be. I need to beleive I am, it breaks all the ideology I've been raised with. In the wake of this conversation, I've thought alot about what you said. I know I'm flawed. Perceptions are such, we are still trying to see each other without those rose tinted glasses that make it so beautiful, but misleading. You said something about how you're not everything I think you are. I agree. I don't know. I'd love you to share those flaws with me. But that's the whole point. I want to know. And I don't know how long that will take, but I want to be able to say that I know, as fully as I can. I feel you hold back, and I know you want it to make sense to you too, but it leaves me wondering if there's more.  I want to do this right. In some ways, maybe I never wanted to be an over achiever. I just wanted to be happy. Whatever that means. And to me it doesn't necessarily mean succeeding in whatever sense over achieving is. I just felt that pressure. I guess I still do. The only self- hatred I have for myself is directly related to failure in that realm. Failure in being the person I think everyone wants/needs me to be. But that's reality. So I deal, with my denial. And I really like to hide. Hide from those expectations.  But I feel you do to, without ever directly telling me how you feel. I hope we can be more honest about who we really are and what we really want.