blue moon

The overwhelming feeling that a milestone has been met is pervading. Last year, around this time, I feel like I wasn’t making confident decisions. I was making decisions out of confusion, a need to try and get some perspective on where I should be going and what I should be doing. It just feels like a better place this year. I can see where things are going and I’m very comfortable with it. It doesn’t feel like a swirling, churning cycle of self-doubt where I second guess what I’m doing. On this blue moon, I want to count my lucky stars for the things that I am grateful for over the last year:

Great friends. Old and new.
I finally feel like I have girls (and some guys) in my life who are there for me, no matter what. And I really mean no matter what. I feel I can rely on them like a family. I feel closer to these people than ever and really trust and rely on them. It was a long road from high school to get here and it feels really good to finally have that support system and those people who you can just be yourself and have fun with.

A secure job.
Yeah- it’s not always the most exciting thing in the world, but my boss treats me like gold and gives me the luxury of actually living my life while pushing me and supporting me in succeeding professionally. Plus, I work with a great group of people who really make the bad days that much better.  

An adult life.
My house is a home. I have dinner parties there. I can have people over and it’s clean and I’m not embarrassed that I live like a college student. I like it there. I have great books. I can take off and go on vacation and come back to my home. I cook my own meals.  I go golfing. I head to the mountains for the weekend. I can take off for Vernon to ski or beach or bike. I have a bike that takes me to the bar. I have plants that aren’t dead.  I can have sex anywhere I want in my house, at any time. Ahhhhh. Finally.

A real relationship.
Isn’t easy. But also doesn’t leave me wondering ALL THE TIME what’s going on, giving me crazy anxiety. I’ve learned to share what I think or what I’m feeling, cause it’s not fair to make him guess. And he's so great about listening and talking it out. He doesn't make me feel like I'm crazy. I was always so worried they’d leave if I said anything. But he’s made me feel secure with what we have. That’s really nice.

I have a feeling this blue moon brings me to the cusp of an entirely new year, and I’m truly grateful for where I’m at. It was a rocky journey, but fingers crossed, this new year will be as fortuitous as the last one.