typically reluctant to live in reality, I've discovered a way to create a film between myself and what may or may not be real (enough there for another post) in order to keep myself coasting in my non-real fantasy realm. drugs and alcohol. i know, i know it seems so obvious. but really, you have to go on a pretty intense binge in order to get yourself to the point where, while still functioning in the world, you don't give two flying fucks about what is supposed to be happening. cause it's all one long dream, waking or asleep, the film creates a distortion that is perfectly suited to enough unreality to satiate me.
it just so happens that when you're fucked up 80% of the time, the 20% of the time, when you're not, you can be unbalanced enough to wonder what the hell people are doing, but write it off as if you're at a party where everyone is blasted and their odd behavior can be attributed to drugs or alcohol. basically, it means that when people act like complete idiots sober, you laugh in your head like that 'ha ha look everyone is drunk' moment at a party or a club, when you realize you're just off enough to think it's funny, and really, why take it seriously.
so this binge state has lead to a 'i don't give a fuck mode'. and because we only live once, why have a mini anxiety attack every day because people act like idiots.
when this wears off, it might be a real bitch. but if Hunter S. maintained it for years, why not? (other than the inevitable psycosis).
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