lessons in spanish

Ola! As I have just returned from Mexico, I thought I'd share some lessons I learned while south of the border, indulging in some much needed relaxation, sun & lots of tequila.

1. Eat where the mexicans eat. It's the best food around. Hands down. Wherever the 'gringos' (ie. us white tourists) are, it's likely to have hamburgers on the menu. And hamburgers taste like shit in Mexico.
2. Apparently some men think that showing you pictures of their children will make you swoon over them and possible even make you horny(!?!) and want to hook up with them. This is completely untrue, and the need to run away intensifies after they tell you that their kid was concieved in Alaska. EW.
3. Chillin' in a cougar bar and watching the action go down can be one of the most entertaining activities ever. The barracudas can be a liablity, but once you let them know you're not interested, they will turn to the heavy scent of desperation coming from the rest of the bar patrons and be all over those ladies like a cat on tuna.
4. Happy hour is quite backwards and can get confusing pretty quickly. Instead of 2 for 1 it's 1 for 2 or 2 for 4 and 6 for 12 and before you know it you have a table of drinks in front of you and all you really know is you're probably only paying for half. But you're paying double the next day.
5. Garlic tastes really good when it's cooked. Almost like a baby potato. Easy to mistake the two, especially after a couple of salty dogs. The mistake is quickly revealed the next day, when 7 cloves of garlic emanating from your pores have people feeling from nostalgia for their local pizzaria back home.
6. When you're playing volleyball on the beach in Mexico, right around happy hour, no one wants to play with you when you start dictating rules and formation (hint hint Mr. Hardcore Califonia). Hitting the ball over the net and in the court in any way shape or form should be sufficient. Extra points for the more tequila you've had.
7. Salsa is the best invention ever. It's pretty much a food group unto itself, or it should be. You can eat it in a million ways and at every meal. Picante!
   

Hopefully the tequila still emanating through my veins will provide me with enough zen (sedation) as I re-adjust to reality. If not, it's only a plane ride away.