true colors

i haven't felt like writing lately. just feeling down about things in general. kind of like the girl depicted above. dead ghosts keep bleeding on me, i realize my dolls were just that, never reliable or to be counted on when i need them. just inanimate and selfish, waiting for me to create the scenarios and play they want to participate in. and if they don't. they won't. no element of compromise or selflessness seems to reside in the doll's character. everytime I attempt to play with them, I cut myself a little bit inside. i have nightmares about being let down and feel they'll come true. often lately, they have.

people's true colors seem to be showing lately. and I feel saddened by some, realizing their insides were black. i'm done falling on the sword for them. i need to start looking out for myself once and a while. sacrificing constantly for nothing, without faith, tires me, and I'm done with it.

i don't think I ask much, but for some it always seems like too much. the flies swarm early, and I seem oblivious to the signs of a dying relationship.

here's to looking out for flies before the death disintigrates my insides. i don't want to feel the rot.