gently

The weeks have gone by so quickly lately and some days the hours are stretched by the sensation that everything is sticky and hard and you’re exhausted from the exertion. But then, some days, like today, feel gentle, they flow smoothly and there is a sense of calm. The perspective has had a chance to shift, with enough calm to encourage reflection. Because, when its go go go, how can you even reflect when you’re constantly rushed and exhausted.

The tables have turned, and instead of feeling helpless, I’ve realized a sense of control. Achieved through an objective lens, the patience of a saint, and a feeling of pre-possession over my actions without regret. Instead of pushing, I watch, wait, and see. People aren’t filled with a sudden sense of enlightenment because I want them to, they don’t change to be someone who cares about me in a way that I need on a dime. It grows; and it grows as they let it grow. And if they find the place where they can be there for me the way I need and I for them, then harmony happens. Friendship happens. Things happen. But things change.

Things have changed a lot in the last month. And it’s happened quickly. So quickly I haven’t had time to process and step back and see the whole picture. Perhaps it’s a blessing. Because then I can’t over think, over analyze, cut it into pieces, where actions put out of context and words without context make the whole, overwhelm the frame. But I have felt a distinct change in my perspective, without the luxury of reflection. And now, I’m just going to enjoy this, I’m going to go gently. I want to eschew the anxiety that anticipation and expectations for the future bring. One day of calm and gentle enjoyment of where I am without worrying where I was or where I’m going.