limerence

I think most people I know have directly or indirectly experienced limerence, or, infatuation. I was quite pleased to find out, that rather than being a bizzare freak of nature, my expereince has completely correlated with extensive studies on the matter (thanks Wikipedia!):

Limerence is a cognitive and emotional state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship (although it can further intensify the situation).

Although the direction of feeling, i.e. happy versus unhappy, shifts rapidly, the intensity of intrusive and involuntary thinking alters less rapidly, and alters only in response to an accumulation of experiences with the particular limerent object.

Limerence develops and is sustained when there is a certain balance of hope and uncertainty. The base for limerent hope is not in objective reality but reality as it is perceived. The inclination is to sift through nuances of speech and subtleties of behavior for evidence of limerent hope. "Little things" are noticed and endlessly analyzed for meaning.

The belief that the limerent object does not and will not reciprocate can only come about with great difficulty. Limerence can be carried quite far before acknowledgment of rejection is genuine, especially if it has not been addressed openly by the object of limerence.

The average limerent reaction duration, from the moment of initiation until a feeling of neutrality is reached, is approximately three years. The extremes may be as brief as a few weeks or as long as several decades.

Limerence generally lasts about four months, but further studies on unrequited limerence have suggested longer durations.

Great. I’ve wasted at least this long experiencing unrequited limerence perpetuated by a party who consistently leveraged this (obvious or insinuated) weakness to his own end and maintained the perfect balance of hope and uncertainty. I can’t time travel to January 2010 to erase these accumulated experiences, but I can finally face an objective reality (that he is a fucking idiot), to ensure I no longer experience this secret shame. Hopefully knowledge is power, because I think I have somewhat of an addictive personality with a propensity for limerence. I’m embracing neutrality and eschewing mercy.