false starts

2012. January. It’s that time of the year, where traditionally, people start reflecting on what they want the year to bring, what they want to accomplish, things they want to change. This post is not about that crap. I did have a resolution, and it was to be nicer. Not that I think I’m not a nice person, but I’m sure sometimes I’m a little too straightforward for people and I should try a little padding in my responses/I suck at flirting for this same reason. I would say I’ve been doing okay on this, except for the comment a co worker made on Friday after a conference call with some difficult clients where I ‘nicely’ had to ask for the same thing twice.

“How do you interact with your friends and you know, boyfriends?” he asked.

I didn’t even get into the boyfriend thing, because, as much as I am straightforward, I also like to avoid conflict and so basically, I have to work on communication, consciously. I also was told by a friend earlier this year, after she saw a text repartee between me and an ‘interest’, that I don’t know how to flirt. This could very well be true. The colleague told me I could take a page from his wife’s book on making a guy feel important, when really they’re not. “She runs the show, but makes me feel like I’m in charge,” he said. This seems slightly antiquated, but in truth all of these items seem to boil down to the same thing. I don’t put out the impression that I need anyone, and sometimes, people need to feel needed, or at least that you care enough to chat with them.

So the ‘interest’ turned out to be either incredibly stupid or mentally fucked. Either way I won’t be touching that with a ten foot pole (see, I’m learning!). He messaged me and then we started texting for the last two weeks, I asked him for beers finally, since he never seemed to be able to get there (just the tip please!) and he couldn’t make it but asked me to come to meet him at our local watering hole the next night. After making out for me and letting me know he’s been wanting to kiss me ever since he met me, he proceeded to talk to some other girl, then I told him I was leaving, he said he wanted to come, then he proceeded to be locked in a conversation with this girl until I left in disgust. The next day after I told him he was an idiot and a dick over text, he said; “It was great seeing you last night”. WHAT?

Then there was the guy I picked up on the street (redux guy in parking lot at Rose and Crown). Asking me why cool girls always fall for the emotionally unavailable idiots. He was right. It’s true. So true. I’m thinking false starts are just the start of my 2012 learning curve. It’s better than jumping into something destined to fail and mess you up for the chance to have a good start.