ttt

The warm fuzzies have subsided and I’m now immersed in the cold water of reality. In that vein, I’m doing a science experiment. It’s more like a torture test. I want to see how long I can go without contacting him until he contacts me. I don’t want to play games, but I have a sinking feeling: What if, all this time, what I perceived as interest, was simply convenience for him. There’s no denying we have fun together, but would he go out of his way to hang out with me? I have a feeling that he wouldn’t. And even though I know this particular species of Man requires MAJOR patience, the longer this test goes on, I’m sure I will be launched into a Piscean pit of despair that won’t shatter my already ever-broken heart, but will make me question (again): Exactly how long do I have to wait? Is there something better in store for me? Will he still be the man I want to be with when he’s finally ready? Will he still want to be with me?

In the meantime, my good friend has set me up with some sexual dynamite in the form of a Doctor with a monumental name (and reputation in bed). Let’s hope it’s enough distraction from my current self-imposed torture (with only the salvage of my dignity as the current result).