If having fun constitutes as naughty, I fully admit to being a bad girl. Although this admission predicates coal in my stocking, you would think that a 24 year old girl’s belief in Santa alone would be rewarded with at least a little sumthin’ sumthin’. And not the ’bow chick a wow wow’ sumthin’ you’re probably thinking. Although that would be nice. On a regular basis. If you deem me to be really really good, maybe you can remember that. Anyways, if after observing my behaviour since last Christmas , you think I might be worthy of something in your fat sack of presents and want to come down my chimney, here’s a list- filled with some things definitely fantasy, but most, definitely do-able. Especially if you’re really as magical as they say you are.
- A beer tap beside my water tap. At this time of year, filled with Winter Spice, but changeable with the season, and for my taste, slightly (just a touch) flat.
- A teleporter. So I never have to drive, or think about catching a flight ever again-and see my sister just for the weekend whenever I’d like. If they can do it in that T.V. show- Star Trek- you can definitely do it.
- A maid. No, no, not one that’s around all the time and comes to my beck and call. Just a once a month, deep cleaning, fanatically detail oriented cleaning lady who has big arms with which to scrub and laser eyes with which to see those microscopic dirt mites.
- Access to borrow basically any item of clothing I would like. Then I could dress as fantastically as I’d like, and never wear the same thing twice-unless I want to.
- Tall, dark, handsome, nice, accomplished, likes to sit around with the newspaper and not speak with me all morning while cuddling in front of the fire. Likes to drive and travel, reads real books, dresses not like a slob-perhaps even a bit fashionably, nice to my family and friends, able to be social, but set his own boundaries and respect mine- Man. Not boy. Not man-boy.
- A weed plant that grows in my house, but I don’t have to water it or take care of it, and it produces grade-A ganja.
I just want to remind you that, over the years, I’m the one who leaves you some really nice over 15 year aged single malt scotch, as well as a beer and some yummy cookies and carrots for your reindeer. Hope you’re having fun ramping up to the big day. Thanks again for giving me what I asked for last year—six packs of Winter Spice. It was a little late, but gratefully received nonetheless. Do you like cigars? Maybe I’ll leave you a Cuban I got while in Mexico this year. Also wondering, do you have x ray vision to see what we’re all doing? You must get a good show.
Hope your yearly endeavour goes off without a hitch this year.
Best Wishes,
Amber
xoxoxo
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